Now only one week to go before I will leave to Bangladesh.... and I will write to you now because I think you will need to understand my state of mind at this point to understand my story the following months.
I cannot put exact words on my state of mind as everything is one big mess! I am feeling everything and nothing.
Let's start from approx a month ago when I finally reached the point where I could close one chapter of my life by handing in my master thesis and opening a new chapter by booking tickets to Bangladesh. I couldn't realize how wonderful it was but I knew I was happy! However, just few days later me and my family received news which lead us into three long weeks of uncertainty and fear. My father got cancer. We didn't know how bad his state is. We just knew that this terrible illness had hit our loving and always supporting dad. My parents have always given everything to me and my brother. All the love and suppport that any child could dream of. My family means everything to me. And now we could do nothing.... but wait....
I was asking myself, how could I go anywhere if my dad is seriously ill? How can I just leave when my family needs me the most? My dad told me that I should go no matter what and he told me how proud of me he is. I told him that it would depend on the situation..... I love my dad so much and I want to support him the way he has always supported me. But I also know that it would make him very sad if I set my dreams on stand-by.
Yesterday we got more detailed information. My dad was relieved from the news and the doctor was positive. And I will go to Bangladesh.
But it is still torturing my heart to leave. I don't know what to feel. I know my dad would be more sad if I stayed home for him. And I know I will get an amazing experience in Bangladesh. I know that there is nothing I can do for my father by staying by his side. That I can still support him from Bangladesh and that he will always know how much I love him.
I am following a dream and my dad wants me to follow my dream. I am his dream. But I feel the prize of following my dreams. I have realized how every choise I make has a prize. However as long as those people I love know I love them and the dream comes from a pure heart then I think I should keep going for the dream. I am not as convinced as I may sound right there but I know that it is also what my dad wants. And I know that in the end he will be right.
